What a fool.

Stuck with my heart bobbing between my throat and stomach. I do not want the things that I pursue, and yet like a dog to vomit or gnat to flame I am achingly transfixed. I feel so foolish and vulnerable, and each time in the worst possible way. You pour out your heart confessing like that until there's nothing left but the core, turning like an apple in the sun; the bobbing continues.

When did I stop hearing everything you had to say? Where is my poise and practicality? Where is my grace and compassion. When did we become me, how far back did I push you out of the car and keep driving? You were my travel companion, my road map, my friend. I've come back to get you... and somehow, you stood unmoving without doubt of my return. I am uselessly charming, your sweet eyes see past my good intentions and pierce my bobbing, browning core.

I don't know what comes next, and I'm afraid to go any further. I know you'll let me choose which way to go, but I don't want to. Selfishly, I remove myself from the car in preservation of our love. Please drive, or refuse my demands to go the directions I choose. Forget it, I don't need a chauffer I need you. I have been prideful and wrong, and will continue to be until we talk this over. I can feel my flesh and bone, my blood and breath begin to fail me... give me something more like yourself, something more suited for eternity. When did I stop hearing joy in your song? Why did I tune your music out... or think that my melodies were somehow sweeter?