a new found freedom

I feel like I could run a marathon right now.

This week has been a telling one. a trying one. a joyous one.

a long and stretching week, for sure.

I've made it in to the graphic design program,

I've found out what I'm made of when it comes down to the wire,

I've waited. and waited.

I've lost it, then found it again.

I've discovered my humanity,

re-discovered my humility.

I've pushed myself too far,

then brought myself back again.

I've loved my choices,

I've hated my decisions,

then turned right around and learned to love myself.

I've cut my losses,

counted up my winnings,

and found beauty not in the gain,

but in the in-between.

You are beautiful, God, and I hear you in the sunshine. The clutter of my mind talks loud and crude, but you calm and quiet with one word. With one glance.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13

but you don't end there, you go on... & there's more to be found.

"I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity."

And in the middle of the night you heard me.

You let me find you.

I feel cluttered, weighty, beyond capacity.

But I can feel you stretching me, flooding me, removing dark to illuminate the day.

bringing out the stars to make the night sky shine.

you bring peace, God.

independence. who wants it?

I thought I wanted it, until I realized it's my very sense of independence

that has me carrying my pride like an anchor around my ankle,

when I'm shipwrecked at sea.

Strange dreams lately. Meaningful, strange dreams.