The Power to Choose.

Five months from now I will be what marketing calls a "Post-Graduate Professional", though it does not feel like it. I have been spending the summer months preparing to put myself out there for prospects, my possible future employers. The future is a mystery as thrilling as it is terrifying, and I'm preparing for impact.

Recently I have been faced with "putting myself out there" via social media, a tool that is growing in usefulness and, seemingly, necessity; Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, the works; you name it, I've probably had some form of it. I downsized my social contact through internet to practically zilch at the beginning of the summer with one goal in mind: to simplify my life and see myself for who, or what, I truly was, not who I was projecting myself to be. My goal has always been to make sure that the two parallel, but any good business lady/gentleman knows that you dress to impress.. if you are smart you will always try to present yourself in the best light (consider the old saying "think before you speak", or the more recent version of the phrase, "think before you tweet"). Social media often glorifies the inane, unfortunately, and what power it could have is often forfeited to the glamor of the insignificant, the "beside the point" opinions and thoughts, with little proactivity. So I deactivated, unsubscribed, and logged out for a while; what I found was what I always find when I de-clutter my life--a greater sense of purpose for, and satisfaction in, the present moment. There was less comparison and clutter, with a little more focus and resolve.

As I continued to make strides in my progress toward having a more completed portfolio, I began to reconnect to the world wide web.  Instagram first, next came Facebook, then Behance, followed by LinkedIn.  Last to make its grand return was Twitter-- the straw that, by all appearances, broke the camel's back.

I haven't had Twitter in years, and only had that while I was without Facebook; it was more connected to the people who mattered, and less committed to the chaos of baby pictures and social overloads that come with Facebook. 160 characters was concise and just what I needed to stay in the loop on the everyday in the lives of those I could only be close to in spirit. It worked then, so I assumed it would work now; "What's the harm?" I pondered, "Surely the coupons on design materials will outweigh any minor social consequences."

Unfortunately, looking at my feed for twitter was the flooding of the dam.  It was sheer chaos following companies that were constantly tweeting, re-tweeting, or being tweeted at. I intentionally choose not to watch the news because of its doomsday outlook. I stay connected to what goes on in the world enough without having to hear about the latest killing, bombing, or parental negligence.  However, being in the twittersphere felt like my very own personal newscaster; way too much information about way too many things, all at once in a single space.  Still, I carried on, thinking it was a useful tool for thrusting myself into the design world.. not shrinking back, but promoting myself with confidence. Who doesn't want to succeed? Yet, no matter how I tried, I couldn't seem to settle into the idea of one more avenue for social media.

Last night, I had a dream that I was in a ballroom-sized bathroom. It was as extravagant in accessories as it was in size, and I knew I had come to this place for one purpose: to take one of the most satisfying showers of my life. Though as I looked around, the room began to fill with people, strangers and friends alike, as if I were hosting a formal event. They were not there to see me, but merely there for the act of someone showering.

The buzzing and bustling of chattering, moving bodies was almost numbing as I looked around the room, finding the walls lined with large windows, exposing what should be a severely private room to the outside world. As I ran across the room to shut them I asked my mother why they were all open for such a private room, especially when they were so difficult to close due to their size; to my question she complacently replied, "I guess I hadn't thought about it."

I spent the rest of the dream running to and fro, trying to shut windows and get rid of people, attempting to formulate how I would maintain my privacy and still have this cleansing, satisfying shower. The sadness of it all was I finally awoke, feeling slightly flustered and never having actually experienced said shower in the dream. The strong visual of the dream impressed me so that I sat thinking on it for a long time; the words "gains his life only to lose it" repeatedly came to mind, words I knew to be a verse somewhere in Matthew, a book of the Bible.

The dream finally made sense, and feelings that I couldn't quite put my finger on became very real, visual, and spiritually articulated. As I thought about the verse in Matthew, I began to ask myself, "At what cost to your soul would you put yourself out there? What is the value of your sanity, your quality of life? What price are you willing to pay for the sake of "succeeding", and what does that even mean?" Then I looked up the verse, and found this:

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.
What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can man give in exchange for his soul?

-Matthew 16:26-27, NIV

The shower was a symbol of many things, but mainly it represented all that I considered to be truly satisfying and valuable, the things I hold dear in the deepest, most private places of my heart. The room was a symbol of the glamor and appeal of being able to have so many avenues for success, but the people were a visual representation for the literal reality of what happens with social media: putting your inner most being on display in a way that is almost like a sideshow circus as opposed to being an avenue for success. It's like putting "your pearls before swine", another idea that Jesus discusses in the gospels.

And as I sat there, realizing the significance of this dream, I understood that there may be a not so far off day when I can use Twitter effectively-- but that day is not today. And though some people find their successes being pioneers of online social circles, I do not have to choose, in my case, to spread my heart and soul so thin by proselytizing myself as a commodity. I am not a thing to be sold, and my work-- in its own right, through selective venues, should speak for itself.


This is not to bash social media, I think it's great-- and so does my career of choice. Graphic designers have to be involved in and informed on the latest and greatest in social media. No matter how you feel about it, it is the utmost in communication and marketing these days, and it is a beast that cannot be tamed or ignored. The point is, however, that we still have the power to choose; to choose the outlet, and to pick what we allow the world to see at our own discretion. We do not have to choose everything or give everything away.. but if you do, consider at what cost you are doing so.