As sleepy as the day is gray

its been dreary sleep-in weather all week.
which I don't mind, but it's not very motivational.
its also not good for my sleep cycles.
and yet, it's very beautiful; quiet, peaceful.

a very uncomfortable feeling has washed over me recently.
I'd say strange, but I use that word too much,
and the feeling really isn't so unusual.

for the first time we had a sit down chat about the future.
came to the conclusion that home for a year is probably the most cost efficient decision,
but the optimistic side of this is hopefully I'll be going back to college town
and graduating from there.

home town is weird. its as though I've moved on, and now I'm
more than likely coming back, its something hard to grasp.
how do you make new friends, or get back the old ones?
how do you give up new friends, after already losing so many friends?

it seems to be a consistent inconsistency.


are we just afraid to be alone?
do we simply need companionship so badly that it is our one purpose in life?
a common misconception is that life is about finding "the one",
and once you've found them, there's no life beyond happily ever after.


I would like to be living in my happily ever after one day at a time,
and if "Mr. Right" comes along,
there'll be room for him. But he won't be my happily ever after.

I've been told I'm looking for perfection,
but I don't want perfection,
I just don't want a jerk. there's a great deal of jerks out there,
but they're not all jerks.
so let me be picky, and possibly alone.
but I won't be lonely. No one says I have to be lonely.

tomorrow is a family Christmas dinner party for mother's side.
we're taking an early two hour trip to pick up a cousin from a mental facility.

so it's sleep now, for the late night keeper.