A God who will not settle

I have been begging, pleading with God to stop my overthinking, to stop my blindfolded nonsense. The things I chose to dwell on, the things that took rest in my head had left me unsettled and sick with more overthinking. I could not tell up from down, left from right... and though I held my own eyes shut, I could not help but be heated by light.

Friday morning, I had a dream. I was overnighting some place, sharing a bed with friends. The friend next to me was a boy I know, who suddenly began to try and convince me of his affections for me. As we all lay there, a bride and groom (though they were no one in specific, in the dream they were very important to me) came through and told me not to be late for their wedding. I knew somehow that I had an important part in their wedding, and that I could not miss it. They left, and soon after this boy had his arms wrapped warmly around me, and convinced me to stay a while longer. I slept in, and when I woke up, I walked to the other room, realizing I had missed the wedding. I was upset, but they had saved the first spot in line at the post-wedding feast for me. I stood over a large table of delicious looking food, about to begin preparing a plate when people began to talk to me, and distracted me from eating. I woke up.


Friday evening was the girls junior high lock-in for church. What I did not know is how much God would speak to me through this lock-in. The boy in the dream represented the thoughts I had been holding onto, the things I had been overthinking. The other friends were other things that I had not let go of, that I had been counting as more important than God. The bride and groom and my role in their wedding symbolized the important plans God has and wants me to be a part of. The boy's arms and affections were the ideas that I were becoming convinced of... that my choices were not the right ones, that they were options for me... which they are, but I can never not be the way I am. If I were to do anything less, I would be settling. In the dream, my sleeping in was my settling, being convinced that my lowering the bar or changing around the ideas about what was and was not important caused me to sleep in and miss out on the important role I was playing in the "wedding", or in the future God has for me. The first plate at the banquet the bride and groom had reserved for me represented God's mercy, that even though some of our decisions cause us to miss out on some important and good things, they do not cut us off from the good things God has for us. The fact that I was distracted by people talking to me and giving me commands or directions and missed out on the the first plate of the banquet is that I missed out on God's best because I settled again.

It was simply a wake up call in the middle of a dream. Going to the lock-in and hearing what was being said, God used this dream and Pastor Jenny's message to help me truly realize that in obedience we get the best, and not the lesser menu items or the leftovers. In the end it comes down to who we trust more to give us what we consider to be the best. The chain of trust was broken somewhere when I thought I could do a better job of fulfilling the promises that God had made to me than God could.


Those girls are amazing. I love them, and my heart feels the pressure that this world puts on them. The leaders were praying for the girls and I began to cry because I could feel the weight of all their problems, big and small, and the things that they would try to face on their own without God. God speaks and sings over them, protecting them as best as they will allow. They need to know how significant their role is in the wedding. They need to know that they are served first at the feast. The lies that they have to fight against, to be convinced by humanity that they are too young, or too this, or not enough of that... God, encompass them with love and protection. Help the leaders to step up and fight for their purity, to raise the standard in our own lives of never settling. To not focus on the choices we consider to be wrong, but to realize that the road we're on is the most difficult but is also the most rewarding. To not be convinced in any area of our lives that You don't have our best interest at heart, or that some part of who we are doesn't matter to You. Give them a revelation of Your sincere desire for them. Help me to be an advocate for justice, for truth, for the light you have placed inside of them... to represent You well and be at peace with the paths I take and the decisions I make... that my words and actions represent You in every way.