Your Love is Strong

so tired. tired of being tough. tired of being judged. tired of agenda. tired of distraction. doubt. depression. tired of running on empty. tired of worrying. tired of being tired.

and I admit it. out loud. I am weak. I am nothing but tired and broken.

and when I try to talk about it, it gets misunderstood.

when I try to talk about You to people who claim to love You, I get awkward downcast glances

or scripture quoted in my face. So I must know, then, that it's not people I can run to.

and yet I run to them any way. Because "we weren't meant to be alone".

and we're not. but what about when people fail us.

what about when we stop calling time with You quiet time.

what if "quiet time" loses its compartmentalized box and it becomes all the time.

and I don't understand everything about You. I don't know that I ever will.

but Your love is big, and strong, and loud... something unavoidable.

undeniable. unquestionable.

Do I question it? all the time. I have a feeling it's because of the realization of my own inadequacies, and that it's easier to believe in a lack of love than in a presence of love.

But I know better, and You know it.

Do You prove Yourself to me anyway? of course.

The thing about your love is that it's like the ringing of a bell.... clear and distinct, ripping through the noise and doubt, transcending the fear and going above the distrust. Something to be heard that resonates for miles around. A declaration.

"Christianity"= used zero times in the Bible

"Christian"= used maybe three times.

"Disciple"= used over 200 times.

A disciple... someone who is in constant learning, constant expectation, humble and in the process of growing.... a student of Jesus.

And what do students do? If anything, there's more learning through failure as a student.

I made a B last semester in one of my hardest classes. I needed an A, but what I got was a B. I worked so hard, and maybe in working so hard I missed the mark on a large part of the projects. However, I learned more through that B, through that effort, than I learned in some class that was an easy A.

I don't have all the answers, and I get a little judgmental, a little pious, a little cynical and disapproving at times. No one is perfect, and our greatest hatred towards something in someone else is our worst fear in our own lives. But haven't we figured out, what we hate and what we fear will both consume us? Yet, we go on anyway.

I have been under so much stress, we all have. and I feel that, I feel it in my heart and soul, and it aches for you, for your stress and your heartache. For the times when you feel the loneliest, I can feel that and I know that and you need to know you aren't alone, that you're loved. That I am proud that you've come this far, and that you've learned what you have. Don't let anyone tell you you haven't made progress.

God doesn't ask us to rise up to this standard in order to be loved. God meets us where we are, and through that Love... that goodness that sees every mistake, and loves me beyond them. Doesn't look at me like a leper, but loves me like a daughter. Says to me, "Get up and walk, be whole!" my legs were broken but they've been made new. My Strength, it is this Love that even allows us the capability to love people at all. To even love ourselves at all. If Your view of God doesn't make You feel safe when You think about wrapped inside the arms of God, You have the wrong view of God. If you see God as passive and distant, your view is wrong. And I don't say this to challenge your beliefs, or to condemn who you are... I say this because I love you, and it's time you see where my love comes from. It's time you see love for what it really is, for who it truly is.

Think about someone in your life, the person that you love more than anyone else... a boyfriend, girlfriend, brother, sister, mother, father, best friend... whatever. If you love them with all that you are, think about how greatly you love them, how it changes everything you do and think about humanity when you're with them-- even if you hate people, they're an exception to your hate. They exceed your judgments, your rules, your boxes, and your walls. How much greater can the embodiment of Love love you? Love me? just think about it.

You still have a long way to go. That's okay. It's all right. I do, too. We all do.

This Love is strong enough for that. Stronger than that.