The Living One Who Sees Me

“Worrying will take years off of your life, but trust will blossom your creativity, motivate your work ethic, and give you better sleep at night. So will honesty, with yourself and with others. Always be honest with yourself, allow yourself to feel deeply. Those who acknowledge what they feel are free to feel it and move on from it or dwell in the goodness of it, knowing that what they feel does not define their existence, and allows them to inhabit a place of consistent joy in their lives. Those who do not are not free at all, they are not honest with themselves and in so can not hope to be honest with other people, and honesty is an essential in love. You cannot truly or deeply love without honesty. And if you cannot be honest, and you cannot love, then you can never be truly free. Best, then, to be honest with yourself and with others, if you hope for such things as freedom, love, or joy.”

Did I really write this? Why is it so hard to write when all i want to do is write everything out and confess it and let wisdom flow from the process.

I cannot sit on my hands and pretend that I am not overwhelmed about what’s coming in the future. I feel on the verge of it all the time, and it makes me itch with excitement. I cannot keep still, because it cannot be contained.

And I see Your breath in the middle of it all, my Father, my friend. I don’t know what’s happening or what’s to come, I don’t even know how to articulate it but I am just— thankful to be alive in this moment, with these people, in this place.

More than a road trip or a photograph or beautiful words, I just want to know you more. More than something to do, more than being handed a test or something to sacrifice, I just want You. I have searched and found, but only a hint, only a glimpse. I will never stop loving discovering, and God help me if that day should ever come.

I am no stranger to bitterness, and I have often made disillusionment my best of friends. However, the time calls for dancing, for growth and rejoicing. I will not sleep through the wedding, dormant and restless in compromise.

I think I know, but I have no idea. I may be hearing only bits and pieces of all that You are, but that’s the beauty of it. Your love is a fork in the road, and I am forced to choose and to move. I cannot be still, I can only go right or left but I cannot turn around— I will not turn around.

So, Friend, to the right or to the left?

Beer Lahai Roi: The Living One Who Sees Me

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me.’” -Genesis 16:13