Guess I Just Couldn't Handle Such a Heavy-Handed Love.

My finger gets slammed in a car door. Half jokingly but with a more serious tone from adults I have heard on two separate occasions now that it was God's way of punishing me, that God did this to me to teach me a lesson. I like to think things through before I decide how to react, before I choose whether to embrace a thing or not. Let me preface this entry by saying I know that this is a lie. However, there IS a lesson to be taken from everything, and I've figured out the lesson at face value, but what of another teaching? Is there something beneath the skin of things? I think probably so. One of them being that injuring your right pinky finger makes it difficult to type anything with p's. If you are liberal with your p's, don't injure your right pinky.



When people claim things to be God, it gets me thinking and questioning... especially with something like this. It's like when people blamed the twin towers falling on God. That was not God, by the way, that was people making their own crazy mess of things. I don't know, whenever conflict arises about issues with God it's a difficult thing to discuss with me. I could go on all day, but in the end God is not in need of any justification. I will, however say, that God is a just God in which the "punishment" does not fit the so-called "crime" of me being later coming home than I had originally estimated. I don't think that this happening is relative to any of the events of the trip home, other than I was foolish to try and allow the door to close on my finger because I thought I could get all the way in in time without holding the door open and not expecting anything bad to happen. And that's pretty funny, now that I think about it. Highly inconvenient, but semi-comical, nonetheless. The lesson is to take things slow and think about what you're doing from the biggest to the most miniscule. It's like driving while on your cell phone-- just because you have done it a million times before without anything happening doesn't mean something won't happen the next time you decide to not give your full attention to the road. If you get into a wreck it's hardly God punishing you at all.. it's you making a foolish decision and living with the consequence.



I am so lucky my finger isn't broken. That my friend didn't leave before I could get to him and he could take me somewhere to get it taken care of. That his friend was so helpful, and that they were both so kind. So lucky that I was able to drive home, and that I had a substitute for work that morning while still getting to work that evening. I am so lucky that my dad is thrifty and inventive, that he would think and reason to create a make shift splint to protect my finger for work. So lucky to have a mother who is willing to give me emotional support by just sitting beside me and hugging me, especially when I'm in tears feeling momentarily stupid, useless, and gross... that she's there to remind me none of those things are true. More than lucky, I'm blessed. I made a stupid decision that I have to live with, but I would say all those fortunate things that came out of such a horrible circumstance are all a part of the detailed, intricate, deep love of God.





On another note, itching bites all over! Rope swinging Monday afternoon at a muddy water creek past a one-car bridge has my arms sore and my skin itching. What can I say? Mosquitos love me. It was fun, though. I can't say I had the kind of experience that the backflippers or the mudbathers had, but I can call it my own kind of adventure. Cooking dinner with friends is a kind of community I can never get over. I am smitten with the thought of this kind of selfless living, this sort of heartfelt love. Blue hair dye and barbecued chicken are the kind of things you share with friends who don't mind how sleepy you always are. My red haired sister teaches me so much about life and love. I don't always say much like I think I should, sometimes my hands come out dirty. Sometimes I am guilty of being more than a little rough around my edges, but at the end of the day my deep love for my adventurous friend is unshaken; tested, but unstirred. It is a kind of thing that is as stubborn as I am, as hard-headed a thing as the two of us. I am in awe and watch her life in wonder.. I can't help but believe God is watching her in the same kind of delight and wonder, if not moreso, as I do.

My mother had her birthday, my niece had her recital, a co-worker had her wedding shower, and soon an old manager turned co-worker will be having her baby. Life moves easier, but so much quicker in the summer. A quick catch of breath or a lingering blink and you've missed something. It's precious to consider.

The title is a quote from the song "Hey Me, Hey Mama" by Ray LaMontagne. I thought it appropriate for this entry on multiple levels.


I'm not sure how long it's going to take me to wash my hair in a bathtub with one hand, so I'm going to get started on that now. Don't miss out on the life you have now wishing for the past to come back or the future to be brighter. Easier said than done, especially coming from the one who was sulking and mulling over a foolish decision to her mother less than 24 hours ago. A wound can hurt and bleed, but the most painful thing is dwelling on the horror that it happened, or the misery that you went through. Let it heal, and stop dwelling on how bad it was or how terrible it looks. I think I'm talking about more than scrapes now. Stopping, otherwise I'll never get my hair cleaned before work.